Ah, programmer humour, who doesn’t love a good IT joke? If we are to define it, let’s satisfy with this: (usually) short IT-related (sometimes) grammatically incorrect (?) sentences (mostly) hilarious to coders when they understand them and (always) baffling to everyone else.
Not to be biased, but nerd humour might just be the best humour, right?
So, we searched online (mostly Stack Overflow and Reddit, thanks guys) and collected many oldies but goodies we find hilarious.
If we are missing any, or you have a good IT joke you want to share, write in the comments.
So, let’s start.
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks.
Q: How many prolog programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Yes.
I’ve got a really good UDP joke to tell you, but I don’t know if you’ll get it.
Two threads walk into a bar. The barkeeper looks up and yells, “hey, I don’t want any conditions race like the time last!”
The programmer to his son: “Here, I brought you a new basketball.”
“Thank you, daddy, but where is the user’s guide?”
Programmer’s girlfriend: “Are you going to sit and type in front of that thing all day or are you going out with me?”
Programmer: “Yes.”
3 Database Admins walked into a NoSQL bar. A little later, they walked out because they couldn’t find a table.
The C language combines all the power of assembly language with all the ease-of-use of assembly language.
A computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer were driving down a mountain when the brakes gave out. They screamed down the mountain, gaining speed, and finally managed to grind to a halt, more by luck than anything else, just inches from a thousand-foot drop to jagged rocks. They all got out of the car.
The computer engineer said, “I think I can fix it.”
The systems analyst said, “No, I think we should take it into town and have a specialist look at it.”
The programmer said, “I think we should push it back up the hill and see if it does it again.”
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI
8 bytes walk into a bar, the bartenders asks “What will it be?” One of them says, “Make us a double.”
An SEO couple had twins. For the first time, they were happy with duplicate content.
Why did the geek add body { padding-top: 1000px; } to his Facebook profile? He wanted to keep a low profile.
These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”
Up for some Chuck Norris IT jokes?
- When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it’s across the room.
- Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations…ever.
- “It works on my machine” always holds true for Chuck Norris.
- All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
- Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
- Chuck Norris can’t test for equality because he has no equal.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t need garbage collection because he doesn’t call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
- Chuck Norris’s first program was kill -9.
- Chuck Norris burst the dot com bubble.
- All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue.
- MySpace actually isn’t your space, it’s Chuck’s (he just lets you use it).
- Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
- Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
- The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.
- Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
- Chuck Norris’s beard can type 140 wpm.
- Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
- Chuck Norris’s keyboard doesn’t have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message “Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?”
There are only two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.
99 little bugs in the code,
99 little bugs,
Take one down, Patch it around,
117 little bugs in the code.
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions:
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
CIA – Computer Industry Acronyms
SCSI: System Can’t See It
DOS: Defunct Operating System
PnP: Plug and Pray
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
In order to understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.
So, what are your favourite programming jokes?
If you have an IT joke to share, write in the comments 🙂
